PHILOSOPHY FOR THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

- The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
  stupidity.

- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
  appreciates how difficult it was.

- It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
  to others.

- The law of Probability Dispersal decrees that whatever it is that hits
  the fan will not be evenly distributed.

- Indecision is the key to flexibility.

- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
 
- The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.  

- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

- All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

- If you can smile when things go wrong then it must be that you have
  someone in mind to blame.

- One-seventh of life is spent on Monday.

- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

- This is as bad as it can get --but don't bet on it.

- The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you
  realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.

- Employ teenagers -while they know everything.

- The best antiques are old friends.

- Do away with gravity!  It's always holding us down.

- Nobody's perfect and since I'm a nobody...!

- People who eat natural foods die from natural causes.

- Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

- Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, then it really
  doesn't matter.

- A friend in need may turn out to be a nuisance.

- If you can't be kind, be vague.